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Memorable quotes for
"Fawlty Towers" The Germans (1975)

Basil Fawlty: [to a nurse] Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

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Basil Fawlty: Is something wrong?
German Guest: Will you please stop talking about the war?
Basil Fawlty: Me? You started it.
German Guest: We did not!
Basil Fawlty: Yes, you did, you invaded Poland.

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[Basil has suffered a blow to the head and is in the hospital]
Basil Fawlty: [to nurse] My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
Sister: I'll... I'll get the doctor.
Basil Fawlty: It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor.

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Basil Fawlty: Don't mention the war! I only mentioned it once but I think I got away with it.

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Basil Fawlty: Welcome to Fawlty Towers and I would like to welcome you war, you war, YOU ALL and I hope your stay will be a happy one.

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Basil Fawlty: I will take your orders,
[German accent]
Basil Fawlty: which must be obeyed at all times,
[Normal accent]
Basil Fawlty: , I mean, er... trespassers will be strung up with piano wire, SORRY! SORRY!

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Basil Fawlty: Would you like to have something to drink before the war? Before your lunch?

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German Guest: However did they win?

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Basil Fawlty: [two guests are speaking to Basil in German] Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.

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Basil Fawlty: Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

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[Basil answers the phone which interrupts him hanging a moose head decoration]
Basil Fawlty: [Answers the phone call from his wife] Yes. Fawlty Towers, hello?
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: I was just doing it, you stupid woman. I just put it down, to come here and be reminded by you to do what I'm already doin'. What is the point in reminding me to do what I'm already doing? What is the bloody point? I'm doing it aren't I?
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: Yes, yes, I picked it up... Yes... No, no, I haven't had a chance yet... Yes, I will... Yes... No, I haven't yet, but I will... Yes, yes, yes, I know it is... Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up... Anything else? I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left?

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[after explaining to everyone about the fire drill moments away]
Basil Fawlty: Splendid, we will have the fire drill which will commence in exactly 30 seconds from now. Thank you.
[Everyone stands still]
Basil Fawlty: What are you doing? Are you just going to stand there?
Mr. Sharp: Well, what do you suggest?
Basil Fawlty: Well, couldn't a few of you go into the bar or dining room... I mean, use your imagination?
Mr. Sharp: Why?
Basil Fawlty: This is supposed to be a fire drill.
Mr. Sharp: There's only a few seconds.
Basil Fawlty: ...Right. Well, obviously if there was a fire you would all be standing down here like this, right here in the lobby. Wouldn't you? I don't know why we bother. We should let you all burn.

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[Raving on about the fire extinguisher that he fired into his own face]
Basil Fawlty: Do you know what that fire extinguisher did? It exploded in my face. I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher? It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire - when you actually need the bloody thing - it blows your head off! I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson!

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[Sybil has asked Basil to get her blue bed-top from the drawers. He picks up a pink top]
Basil Fawlty: This one?
Sybil Fawlty: Is it blue?
Basil Fawlty: Well it's got blue things on it.
Sybil Fawlty: They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
Basil Fawlty: No, no, you didn't dear, quite right. No, I just picked that one up to annoy you, actually.

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German Guest: Can we help you?
Basil Fawlty: Oh, you speak English.
German Guest: Of course.
Basil Fawlty: Ah, wonderful! Vonderbar! Ahh! Please allow me to introduce myself, I am the owner of Fawlty Towers. And may I welcome your war... your war... you all... and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first, or would you like a drink before the war... AHH! Er... trespassers will be tied up with piano wire... SORRY, SORRY!

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[the phone rings]
Basil Fawlty: [picking up the phone; his wife is at the other end of the line] Hello, Fawlty Towers.
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: [annoyed] Oh, what is it now? Can't you leave me in peace?

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