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Pirates (2005) (V) More at IMDbPro »

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50 out of 54 people found the following comment useful :-
Good movie, 18 February 2006

Author: desibandit from Canada

Okay this adult flick was the BEST that i have ever seen. I'm a female and I loved it!! Its the only adult movie I have ever watched that was meant for both men and women. There's some good action for the guys, and some sexy men for the girls. And plenty of humor for the both of you!! The costumes are stunning...for a porn. It kind of plays off the Pirates of the Caribbean but don't worry its definitely not a cheesy remake of that movie. It has its own plot, which I found absolutely hilarious, the characters actually had personalities (not robots!) and the plot actually made some sense! It really raises the bar for other adult movies. I watched this with a whole group of friends and we all loved it, males and females both. Highly recommended.

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42 out of 47 people found the following comment useful :-
Female friendly porn, 1 January 2006

Author: saprater from Georgia, United States

While I agree with the comments of a previous poster who noted the lack of diversity among the women (who all look like they were molded in silicone after the original Barbie) I have to say that this movie really opened my eyes to the possibilities of porn for female viewers. Sure it still contains some of the more degrading shots found in every pornographic film...I mean, does it HAVE to be in the face every single time? And really, what IS the appeal to that anyways? But I digress. As I was saying, it has some definite female friendly viewing aspects, notably the fairly good acting of Evan Stone and a feasible (if somewhat familiar) plot. The costumes are lavish, there's enough foreplay on BOTH parts to be appealing to couples, and while men may get hot and bothered at Jesse Jane's tongue-twisting exploits (honestly, there were times when she scared me with that thing), Evan's sense of humor and comical scenes (and he's no slouch in the bedroom either) will bring just that extra bit of sexiness to get the women steamed as well.

An A+ in my book and an absolute have-to-have in any DVD collection.

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48 out of 65 people found the following comment useful :-
Arrrr, $70 for a porn movie, I'll have to sell my gold earrings, 9 November 2005

Author: morton grimp

I was quite excited about seeing this after having read that it's the biggest budget porn film of all time. Unfortunately I was a bit let down, but it wasn't too bad.

Pirate Capt. Victor Stagnetti has kidnapped Manuel who is the descendant of an Incan king, or something like that. Pirate hunters led by Capt. Edward Reynolds are on a mission to save Manuel, and kill the pirates.

This movie has computer animation in it, and it's acceptably good. Seeing the previews or the cover, it looks pretty cool, but the skeletons shown on the cover really don't do much in this movie. I was upset that there wasn't a skeleton sex scene. Some of the actors in this movie are good. Evan Stone is kind of good at acting, and has a very large penis as well. Most of the women in this can't act worth crap, and many of them have fake breasts, fake eyelashes, and yes, fake orgasms as well. All of the women are very pretty, even though Jesse Jane sometimes makes funny faces while having sex. Most of the women look like they came out of a Hitlerian fantasy land, they're all blonde except for maybe one or two. The sex scenes are too dramatic, they are the same kind of scenes you would expect from any other sucky porn film with the exception of great costumes, better atmosphere, and better timing. I wish there were more humorous parts in this movie, I really didn't laugh much at all. Much of the dialog is wooden, and most of the women are just regular porn stars and can't act.

Overall, I'd have to score this well for effort. Perhaps this will open the door for more actual film-makers to start making porn MOVIES, instead of just crap-porn. Creatively, this has much to be desired, it's not near as interesting as the big budget porn movies of the 70s, and early 80s, such as 1001 Erotic Nights, Star Virgin, Little Girls Blue, etc. They make you buy a 3 DVD set, containing the feature, a special features disc, and also the High Definition version of the movie. A total rip-off, many stores were selling it for as much as $70. As though anyone actually needs two versions of a porn movie. Presented a bit pretentiously, even Revenge of the Sith didn't have a three disc set. Well, see it once just to satisfy your curiosity, it serves it's purpose I hope, but don't expect too much from it, and don't pay $70 for it either.

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27 out of 32 people found the following comment useful :-
Come on guys, it's porn, not a serious reflection of the times., 12 January 2006

Author: house-19 from United States

I for one, loved this porn. Maybe not worth 70$ but if you can find it cheaper, more power to you. A lot of people are saying, wow, the acting was so bad, they need to make it more like a period piece if they want to do this right, I say, accept it for what it is... PORN! I accepted it and LOVED it. It didn't matter that the girls have tattoos, or say slang. Did it get me hot? yes! It's porn first, a movie second, and that is the point. It's not so you can sit back and go. "Hmmm, that movie really reflected the time period really well" No, it's to get you worked up*which it does!*, or to have a good time with your friends. The acting was horrible (but what can you expect, again its PORN!) I watched this with a friend and we were both laughing the whole time. What can you expect with the bad acting and cheesy lines? As a movie, yeah it kinda stinks, but as a porn (which it was meant to be) it rocked.

-also a skeleton sex scene would have been awesome.

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16 out of 16 people found the following comment useful :-
Actually pretty good, 25 September 2006

Author: millsmills from United States

In case you don't know, there are two versions of Pirates: The R-rated version (which can be bought at Amazon.com and Target, but not Wal-Mart, and can be rented at Blockbuster), and the X-rated version (which can only be bought/rented at adult-fare stores like dvdempire.com and bluedoor.com). I don't know of a store that sells both versions. At Blockbuster, there is a big "R rated, not for children" sticker on the case to keep people from confusing it with Pirates of the Caribbean.

In reviewing the R-rated version, I tried to forget that this movie was made by the porn industry, to keep my review fair. Surprisingly, the costumes, sets, backgrounds, music and special effects were fantastic, especially considering that this movie was reportedly made for only $1 million. (A typical Hollywood movie costs between $15 million and $80 million, with budgets going as high as $200 million.) The drawback here was the acting. About 25% of the actors were very good, about 25% were okay, and about 50% were horrendous. Surprisingly, the porn actors weren't necessarily all bad, and the non-porn actors all good. It was a mixture of both. Evan Stone, the main good guy, was amazing in about every scene. Very Funny. However, Tommy Gunn, the main bad guy, usually made you wince when he was on screen. Kris Slater was not great, but doable. All three are porn actors. The porn girls were a mixed bag, as well. Janine was okay, Jesse Jane was horrible, and Carmen Luvana was pretty good. The only time Jesse was any good was when she was imitating a monk. Granted, the dialogue in a few scenes was pretty poor, so I could empathize with the actors a few times.

It's not hard to tell who the porn actors are from the ones that aren't. They're the ones that get it on, which they do about every 10 minutes, although some scenes would show nothing but a kiss. This movie has more sexual references and nudity than a typical high school-type movie, such as American Pie, but perhaps less than the movies shown late at night on Cinemax which show a lot of simulated sex. Some of these sex scenes would show side profiles of the actors and actresses up against each other, which shows they are completely nude, without showing their private parts. Some scenes would break away to the next scene as the actors would lean forward to kiss. There was a lot of breasts shown in the movie, with a few female butts, just a sliver of full female frontal with the woman walking, with no male frontal or butts. I do feel it was a bit more exciting knowing they were actually getting it on, instead of just faking it. I was pleasantly surprised at the general lack of cursing, and when there was some, it was very funny.

The DVD extras are okay. It includes bloopers, trailer, bios, and an FX part that shows when they put in digital extras, and what it looked like before they did, which was pretty cool. However, no making-of-the-movie, which is usually the best part of a DVD extra. The X-rated version has a completely separate disk for extras, so maybe they have some cooler extras there. This movie doesn't have English closed captioning, neither as an option on the DVD, nor on the film itself, where the TV could show it on it's own, like with a television show. They did have Spanish subtitles available. There has been a report that they didn't put copy-protection on this disk, which isn't true. The back of the movie case is slightly different than the X-rated version, as it doesn't show as much skin, but the difference is hardly noticeable.

If this movie was to be used to introduce someone to a porn movie, this looks like a very good choice. I haven't seen the X-rated version, but they showed enough clips of the love scenes to gather that they were made with women in mind. For example, the first love scene is between a man and his new bride, and they are telling each other how much they care for each other, and that they will love each other forever.

There is no doubt this is a breakthrough in the porn industry, and hopefully, this will lead to more of the same, even just for the opportunity to view the R-rated versions of the movies. They have reported to be making a sequel to Pirates, as well as a sci-fi theme of the same quality. The only drawback is that, regardless of how good the stories and production values are, they are probably going to be limited to the availability of quality actors and actresses in the porn industry, since most of them are under contract to a single studio, as Hollywood was back in the 1940's. This movie brought together two studios, Digital Playground and Adam and Eve, but hopefully there can be arrangements to bring together the best talent in the industry to make these "blockbuster" type of movies.

The bottom line is this looks like a very professional production, with the only drawback being the lack of acting in many scenes. However, I enjoyed the movie as much as I have a lot of Hollywood movies. Out of 4 stars, I would give it 2.5 stars.

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17 out of 18 people found the following comment useful :-
This is good!, 1 September 2006

Author: O C from Montreal, Canada

I'm not writing this to tell the story, but in a few words, there is actually a storyline in this movie. And a good one, not like those movies Private releases. To be completely honest, if they removed every porn action in this movie (like they seem to have done in the R-rated version), this would still be very watchable, even if the sex was completely removed. There is good humor, a good story, some pretty good special effects (considering the budget for the movie was 1 million dollars and that is porn). Did you know that these actors could actually act? Of course, it would not be the best movie ever, but since this is porn, I can say that it is the best porn movie ever done. My girlfriend enjoyed it as much as I did, and she does not usually enjoy porn. Great movie for couples.

The only bad thing about it: the fake breasts. I do not think there is ONE girl with natural breasts. So go rent it or buy it (the DVD set comes with three discs: movie, movie high definition and Extras), it will not let you down.

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11 out of 12 people found the following comment useful :-
Erotic pirate film plays well even when you remove the sex, 3 September 2006

Author: dbborroughs from Glen Cove, New York

Its a pirate porn movie thats actually plays as a decent little movie.

Sue me I liked this film. I'm not sure I liked it because its better than most adult films or because its a good movie in its own right. Certainly the fact the film can have 40 minutes of sex removed and have it survive says a great deal(The full version runs over two hours). Better than many soft-core trash films that play late night on cable this is actually a movie I'd want to see again.

The plot has something to do with a pirate captain wanting to get a magical Incan scepter that will give him great power to this end he kidnaps a recently married man who holds the key to the hereabouts of the scepter and throws the wife overboard. He is pursued by some pirate hunters who pick up the wife and remain close on the heels of the villains.

What can I say the acting is wildly uneven, but the cast is still game. The effects are uneven, but serviceable (and provide a great homage/spoof with a marvelous riff on the skeleton scene in Jason and the Argonauts). The script is actually reasonably good and properly silly (though with some of the cast anything beyond silly might have been a stretch). I'm guessing in mainstream hands this might have been a successful pirate action film.

My only real complaint is that all of the main women look about the same, large breasted blonds of similar stature and builds. They all pretty much blend together. Its an odd thing to do when the film tries very hard to be something other than a stereotypical adult film.

If you're tired of the typical late night fare you find on many pay cable stations give this film a try. You will laugh with and at the movie, especially if you keep in mind the fact that its source is an adult film.

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11 out of 12 people found the following comment useful :-
Can't wait for more like this...., 27 June 2006

Author: jetcar

To call this film groundbreaking, for me, it must have very good scores in five areas: 1.Costumes/make-up 2. Sets/ambiance 3. Special effects / lighting 4. Sexual heat 5. Acting

Groundbreaking would have been for the director to provide his performers with acting lessons and on-set coaches. IMO that would have fused together the good costumes/sets/special effects/sexual interaction with that which most porn lacks--good acting. The budget was there, so to have a coach would have made it better for many of the actors who found themselves on unfamiliar ground, compared to other movies they've made.

Much better than any other so-called "ground breaking effort" by other film companies.

Janine did a great job, so did Ewan Stone. The Chinese guy was hilarious, although quite flat and wooden with his delivery. All the sex scenes were good.

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9 out of 9 people found the following comment useful :-
A porn I watched for the story., 7 July 2006

Author: Ryan Walker (misterpunch@portalofevil.com) from Canada

This summer I've been working at an adult film store as a clerk and I must say we can't keep this movie on the shelf. People who mention the bad acting must have never seen a porn in their lives. With the weakest (acting) performance given by Jesse Jane, Evan Stone's character was spot on. I recommend this movie to everyone who hasn't seen it, and again to those that have. Having a background in digital animation I was surprised to see how well compositing was done. Great special effects especially considering the target market. The hardest part to get used to was watching the sex scenes accompanied by a full music score. Two thumbs (and a candlestick) way up!

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10 out of 12 people found the following comment useful :-
Beyond compare..., 25 June 2006

Author: MovieStoreClerk from United States

As far as porn goes, it was great. I don't think anyone will say differently. It's just so ridiculously hilarious. I love how half way through the film, Evan Stone turns into a clueless Captain Kirk. And they ask SO much of the audience. A girl gets kidnapped, she's tied to a chair, forced to have sex with a gypsy, and ends up liking it. I can follow that, no problem. But there's a scene where the captain and his first mate are tied up in a room that's on fire. Then a woman from a previous scene comes in and says that she'll only untie them if the captain makes love to her. So she unties him and he "makes love". Hello? Punch the crazy broad in the face and get out of the building. You don't have time for a sex scene. But there were a few good parts. Take when anyone is about to get it on. There's a little kissing, and BAM! There's a screen push and they're naked. And probably my favorite part, the amount of violence in the girl/girl scenes. At one point I thought it had turned into Ultamite Fighter. And there was another point were some candles are used in a way that I never really thought of before. All in all, you need to see this. I mean, how often do you get to see a porno with a seven figure budget?

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