Pirates (2005) (V)

Director:

Joone

Writers:

Joone (screen story)
Max Massimo (screenplay)

Release Date:

26 September 2005 (USA)

Genre:

Adult | Adventure | Comedy | Fantasy

Plot:

Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate...

Plot Keywords:

Pirate | Female Nudity | Female Rear Nudity | Male Female Relationship | Cumshot

Awards:

13 wins & 10 nominations

Cast

Jesse Jane	...	Jules
Carmen Luvana	...	Isabella
Janine Lindemulder	...	Serena (as Janine)
Devon	...	Madelyn
Teagan	...	Christina (as Teagan Presley)
Evan Stone	...	Capt. Edward Reynolds
Tommy Gunn	...	Capt. Victor Stagnetti
Kris Slater	...	Manuel Valenzuela
Austyn Moore	...	Angelina
Jenaveve Jolie	...	Pirate Dancer
Steven St. Croix	...	Marco
Nhan	...	Wu Chow
Frank Bukkwyd	...	Oxford
Brian Surewood	...	Gino
Harry Bali	...	Priest

Also Known As:

Pirates XXX (USA) (promotional title)

MPAA:

Rated R for strong sexual content, nudity and language.

Runtime:

129 min | Japan:72 min | USA:80 min (R Rated)

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Certification:

UK:18R | USA:R (edited version) | UK:18 (edited version) | USA:X (original rating) (original version) | Australia:R (edited version) | Australia:X | Hong Kong:III | Japan:R-18 (censored)

Filming Locations:

California, USA

Company:

Adam & Eve Productions

Trivia:

The movie contains over 300 effects shots.

Quotes:

Capt. Edward Reynolds: I AM the greatest pirate hunter in the world!

Movie Connections:

Featured in "Cinemania: Oi thryloi tou erotikou cinema" (2008)

Arrrr, $70 for a porn movie, I'll have to sell my gold earrings

I was quite excited about seeing this after having read that it's the biggest budget porn film of all time. Unfortunately I was a bit let down, but it wasn't too bad.

Pirate Capt. Victor Stagnetti has kidnapped Manuel who is the descendant of an Incan king, or something like that. Pirate hunters led by Capt. Edward Reynolds are on a mission to save Manuel, and kill the pirates.

This movie has computer animation in it, and it's acceptably good. Seeing the previews or the cover, it looks pretty cool, but the skeletons shown on the cover really don't do much in this movie. I was upset that there wasn't a skeleton sex scene. Some of the actors in this movie are good. Evan Stone is kind of good at acting, and has a very large penis as well. Most of the women in this can't act worth crap, and many of them have fake breasts, fake eyelashes, and yes, fake orgasms as well. All of the women are very pretty, even though Jesse Jane sometimes makes funny faces while having sex. Most of the women look like they came out of a Hitlerian fantasy land, they're all blonde except for maybe one or two. The sex scenes are too dramatic, they are the same kind of scenes you would expect from any other sucky porn film with the exception of great costumes, better atmosphere, and better timing. I wish there were more humorous parts in this movie, I really didn't laugh much at all. Much of the dialog is wooden, and most of the women are just regular porn stars and can't act.

Overall, I'd have to score this well for effort. Perhaps this will open the door for more actual film-makers to start making porn MOVIES, instead of just crap-porn. Creatively, this has much to be desired, it's not near as interesting as the big budget porn movies of the 70s, and early 80s, such as 1001 Erotic Nights, Star Virgin, Little Girls Blue, etc. They make you buy a 3 DVD set, containing the feature, a special features disc, and also the High Definition version of the movie. A total rip-off, many stores were selling it for as much as $70. As though anyone actually needs two versions of a porn movie. Presented a bit pretentiously, even Revenge of the Sith didn't have a three disc set. Well, see it once just to satisfy your curiosity, it serves it's purpose I hope, but don't expect too much from it, and don't pay $70 for it either.