Pirates (2005) (V)

User Rating:

7.6/10   

Director:

Joone

Writers:

Joone (screen story)
Max Massimo (screenplay)

Release Date:

26 September 2005 (USA)

Genre:

Adult | Adventure | Comedy | Fantasy

Plot:

Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate...

Plot Keywords:

Pirate | Female Nudity | Female Rear Nudity | Male Female Relationship | Cumshot

Awards:

13 wins & 10 nominations

Cast

Jesse Jane	...	Jules
Carmen Luvana	...	Isabella
Janine Lindemulder	...	Serena (as Janine)
Devon	...	Madelyn
Teagan	...	Christina (as Teagan Presley)
Evan Stone	...	Capt. Edward Reynolds
Tommy Gunn	...	Capt. Victor Stagnetti
Kris Slater	...	Manuel Valenzuela
Austyn Moore	...	Angelina
Jenaveve Jolie	...	Pirate Dancer
Steven St. Croix	...	Marco
Nhan	...	Wu Chow
Frank Bukkwyd	...	Oxford
Brian Surewood	...	Gino
Harry Bali	...	Priest
Keyser Soze	...	Auctioneer
Mando M.	...	Incan Monk
Charmane Star	...	Wench #1
Trina Michaels	...	Wench #2
Austin Kincaid	...	Wench #3
Jolie Harris	...	Wench #4
Joshua	...	Old Sea Captain
Nick Satanas	...	NonSex (as Sir Nick Satanas)
Ted Shred	...	NonSex
Mistress Erzsebet	...	NonSex
Tino	...	NonSex
Ivan	...	NonSex
Kelli Tyler	...	NonSex
Roach	...	NonSex
Joseph T. Creep	...	NonSex
Halla Valentine	...	NonSex
Danika Sandberg	...	NonSex
Captain Dagger	...	NonSex
Aaron G.	...	NonSex
Malorie Christian	...	NonSex
David H.	...	NonSex
Red Siren	...	NonSex
William Q.	...	NonSex
Nicodemus Grimm	...	NonSex
Little Don	...	NonSex
Doc	...	NonSex
Dirk Snee	...	NonSex
Trevor	...	NonSex
Kitty	...	NonSex
Maisie	...	NonSex
James Richard	...	NonSex
Cameron Lee	...	NonSex
Pyro	...	NonSex
Ramblin Rob	...	NonSex
Joe Hopkins	...	NonSex
Lexi Lamour	...	NonSex
Dimonico	...	NonSex (as Dave Dimonico)
Julian	...	NonSex
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Scott Nails	...	NonSex (uncredited)

Directed by
Joone

Writing credits
Joone		(screen story)
Max Massimo		(screenplay)

Produced by
Joone	....	producer
Samantha Lewis	....	producer

Original Music by
Mr. Anderson
Steven Berlin
Christopher Hart
Skin Muzik

Cinematography by
Joone

Film Editing by
Joey Pulgadas

Art Direction by
Joone

Costume Design by
September		(as Ms. September)

Makeup Department
Abby Lyle	....	assistant makeup artist
Melanie	....	makeup artist
Red Velvet	....	makeup artist

Production Management
Brah Bones	....	production manager

Sound Department
Daniel Guerra	....	boom operator
Jack Sparehole	....	supervising sound editor

Visual Effects by
Joone	....	visual effects supervisor

Camera and Electrical Department
Guillermo Brown	....	video technician
Sasha Deepwood	....	camera operator: "b" camera
Robby D.	....	camera operator: "a" camera
Joone	....	still photographer

Editorial Department
Cody Bangs	....	post-production coordinator

Other crew
Adella O'Neal	....	publicist
Tim Shanks	....	director of operations

Production Companies

• Adam & Eve Productions
• Digital Playground

Distributors

• Digital Playground (2005) (worldwide) (DVD)
• MTI Home Video (2006) (USA) (DVD) (R-rated version)

Special Effects

• Digital Playground FX (visual effects)

Also Known As:

Pirates XXX (USA) (promotional title)

MPAA:

Rated R for strong sexual content, nudity and language.

Runtime:

129 min | Japan:72 min | USA:80 min (R Rated)

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Certification:

UK:18R | USA:R (edited version) | UK:18 (edited version) | USA:X (original rating) (original version) | Australia:R (edited version) | Australia:X | Hong Kong:III | Japan:R-18 (censored)

Filming Locations:

California, USA

Company:

Adam & Eve Productions

Trivia:

The movie contains over 300 effects shots.

Quotes:

Capt. Edward Reynolds: Dead skeletons tell no tales.

Movie Connections:

References Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Arrrr, $70 for a porn movie, I'll have to sell my gold earrings

I was quite excited about seeing this after having read that it's the biggest budget porn film of all time. Unfortunately I was a bit let down, but it wasn't too bad.

Pirate Capt. Victor Stagnetti has kidnapped Manuel who is the descendant of an Incan king, or something like that. Pirate hunters led by Capt. Edward Reynolds are on a mission to save Manuel, and kill the pirates.

This movie has computer animation in it, and it's acceptably good. Seeing the previews or the cover, it looks pretty cool, but the skeletons shown on the cover really don't do much in this movie. I was upset that there wasn't a skeleton sex scene. Some of the actors in this movie are good. Evan Stone is kind of good at acting, and has a very large penis as well. Most of the women in this can't act worth crap, and many of them have fake breasts, fake eyelashes, and yes, fake orgasms as well. All of the women are very pretty, even though Jesse Jane sometimes makes funny faces while having sex. Most of the women look like they came out of a Hitlerian fantasy land, they're all blonde except for maybe one or two. The sex scenes are too dramatic, they are the same kind of scenes you would expect from any other sucky porn film with the exception of great costumes, better atmosphere, and better timing. I wish there were more humorous parts in this movie, I really didn't laugh much at all. Much of the dialog is wooden, and most of the women are just regular porn stars and can't act.

Overall, I'd have to score this well for effort. Perhaps this will open the door for more actual film-makers to start making porn MOVIES, instead of just crap-porn. Creatively, this has much to be desired, it's not near as interesting as the big budget porn movies of the 70s, and early 80s, such as 1001 Erotic Nights, Star Virgin, Little Girls Blue, etc. They make you buy a 3 DVD set, containing the feature, a special features disc, and also the High Definition version of the movie. A total rip-off, many stores were selling it for as much as $70. As though anyone actually needs two versions of a porn movie. Presented a bit pretentiously, even Revenge of the Sith didn't have a three disc set. Well, see it once just to satisfy your curiosity, it serves it's purpose I hope, but don't expect too much from it, and don't pay $70 for it either.