Memorable quotes for
"Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service" (2003) More at IMDb Pro »

[Kate leaves the room in a hurry]
Tony: Was it something I said?
Gibbs: Not yet, at least.

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[about laws changing over time]
Gibbs: Politicians have their time table, I have mine.

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Agent Caitlin Todd: Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them?
Gibbs: I'd like to think it's me

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Agent Caitlin Todd: You know, Gibbs, sometimes you can be a real...
Gibbs: Bastard?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Yeah.

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DiNozzo: That was actually intimidating.

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Gibbs: DiNozzo! Why are you touching his face?
DiNozzo: I don't know. It's soft, like touching a bunny rabbit.
Gibbs: Don't!

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[about Tony's ex-girlfriend]
Agent Caitlin Todd: So what happened?
Tony: She broke into my apartment and filled my closet with dog crap.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Ha! Really? I knew there was a reason I liked her.
Tony: I still have her number. Maybe you two can get together and boil rabbits or something.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Not my style, Tony. I would just shoot you.

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Agent Caitlin Todd: You think he knows more than he's telling us?
Tony: C'mon, Kate, this is Gibbs we're talking about. Of course he does.

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Gibbs: Did you run it through...
Abby Sciuto: Run it through AFIS?
Gibbs: Feisty and psychic.
Abby Sciuto: It's a killer combination.

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Abby Sciuto: Aaaah! Gibbs! Didn't your momma teach you not to sneak up on people?
Gibbs: Obviously not.

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Gibbs: Got your 911, Abs. What's up?
Abby Sciuto: Ready to have your world rocked again?
Gibbs: I'm barely over the first time.

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Gamal: Well, the psychiatrist examined him and is worried for his mental health.
Gibbs: I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me.

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Gibbs: Dinozzo, what're you doin'?
Tony: Just doin' a little research for Abby.
Gibbs: For Abby?
Tony: Well, maybe I'm servin' two masters.
Gibbs: You're servin' one, now.
Agent Caitlin Todd: How did you get into NCIS?
Tony: I smiled?

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Gibbs: ID withheld...
Tony: Probably the reason you married her. I mean, she probably hid her real personality as most women do, and by that time it was too late because you'd already... I'm gonna shut up now.
Gibbs: Now?

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Gibbs: Ducky. Got some good news for me?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: That depends on your definition of good news.
Gibbs: Not the answer I was looking for.

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Gibbs: We gonna jump through any legal hoops?
Abby Sciuto: Oh, that's kind of a gray area.
Gibbs: How gray?
Abby Sciuto: Charcoal.

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Gibbs: What'd you find in his nose?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Cellulosic fiber, lignin.
Gibbs: Wood.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Ah, sawdust, to be precise.
Tony: Hey boss, don't you have some kind of weird thing about women and sawdust? I mean... I... don't... think it's weird.

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Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You know Abby, sometimes the dead make more sense to me than the living.
Abby Sciuto: Me, too.

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Agent Caitlin Todd: All I'm saying is that... things on the surface are not always the same as when you put them in context with the way they actually developed, you know, under the surface, kinda.
Tony: I have no idea what you said.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Neither do I. But the intent was sincere.

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Gibbs: Y'know, some of these guys freeze on their first jump. Have to be kicked in the ass to get them out.
Tony: Not me.
Gibbs: Nope. You fall in the category that want a kick in the ass on the ground.

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[about online games]
Gibbs: And why do they use such weird names?
Tony: When you're a computer geek invading dungeons and fighting ogres, "Jethro" doesn't cut it.
[pause]
Tony: Neither does "Tony."

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[Gibbs, who's been divorced three times, is building a boat]
Agent Caitlin Todd: Do all Marines build boats?
Tony: Just the onest that have been married a few times.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Why's that?
Tony: The other ones can afford to buy one.

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[to a suspect]
Gibbs: Boy, oh, boy, you are good. But so are we.

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Tony: What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF - and they're all B's.
Gibbs: I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS.

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Gibbs: The secret of a good bluff is not to bluff.

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DiNozzo: Kate, what do you think this means? Eee... goh... too... mah... nee.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I got too many.
DiNozzo: [later] He got too many.

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Agent Timothy McGee: Now all we have to do is scan 800,000 miles of satellite imagery and pray we get lucky.
Abby Sciuto: I am a scientist, McGee. Luck has nothing to do with it and/or us.
Agent Timothy McGee: Okay, then how do you explain something like Gibbs's gut?
Abby Sciuto: Well, that's easy: Gibbs is lucky.
Agent Timothy McGee: But... but you just said that...
Abby Sciuto: He's not a scientist.

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Agent Caitlin Todd: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Illya Kuryakin.

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Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [after DiNozzo has made a sexual remark about Kate] If you do that again... I will kick your ass.

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Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Abs, do you have him?
Abby Sciuto: [smug] Are you seriously asking me that?
Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [deadpan] No, I called to flirt.

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Gibbs: Go tell Abby that I want her. Now.
Abby Sciuto: [walks in pushing evidence cart] Oh, Gibbs! I never never knew!

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Abby Sciuto: You can't rush science, Gibbs! You can yell at it and scream at it, but you can't rush it.

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Agent Timothy McGee: Are you finished?
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: No, I haven't even started yet.

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Gibbs: Come on, Corporal. Let a Gunny buy you dinner.
Ernie Yost: You... you were never an officer?
Gibbs: Ah, hell no!
Ernie Yost: I knew there was something I liked about you.

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Special Agent Ziva David: [a cat bursts through the cat door, scaring Tony] Don't tell me you're afraid of a little pussy...
[realizing her choice of phrase]
Special Agent Ziva David: Cat, Tony.

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Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to a suspect] Your track record for the truth is unimpressive.

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Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Yep. Funny us running into each other like that.
Gibbs: Funny?
Army Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: You have a better word?
Gibbs: A few come to mind.

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Special Agent Ziva David: McGee you look like you've seen a goat.

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Gibbs: You think, DiNozzo?

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Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You know Abby, I always thought you were an anarchist.
Abby Sciuto: Well, I was for a while, but then I decided to quit.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Why?
Abby Sciuto: Because they had too many rules.

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